In 1989 when I moved to Franconia to work for the State Park, I weighed 212 pounds. I felt like the michelin man, puffy on the outside and me somewhere on the inside.

1990 at Lafayette Place campground where I worked.

That was 35 years ago and quite a journey. I am still going!

This could be a long story to cover 35 years of transformation but I will offer the cliffs note version.

I landed in Franconia to work at the State park in the summer while returning to college after a 5 year break from Keene State to complete my degree at Plymouth State.

Thus began my transformation. The rural setting suited me more than a city setting. Mountains, lakes, rural roads, and small town setting was more my style. I was doing things I loved to do. I felt grateful for everything.

How did I make that transition? I was finally in my element. A wild child actually running wild! I got back to running, started riding my bike, hiked a ton, jumped in the lake constantly to swim-not hang out in the water but actually swim. It was the 90’s, step aerobics was hot, so I did that. Eventually I got into lifting weights.

By 1993 I had muscled up, trimmed down to participate in my first triathlon -the inaugral Top Notch Triathlon in Franconia, NH. That year I finished third for the women overall. Then for the next 7-8 years I would win the race.

After doing my first the Top Notch, I got bit by the triathlon bug moving into some level of obsession. It was so much fun!!

I never had one sport that I was good nor wanted to commit to as I liked them all, so triathlon with three awesome sports I love to do and was already doing sang to me.

The triathlon world was growing and I dove right in-it was the right time for me. Triathlon Magazine, Triathlete, and Inside Triathlon magazines all littered my home. Every month these magazines came in the mail where I then devoured them cover to cover.

My transformation continued with lots of insane training-weekends I might swim in echo lake at 6 am, then bike 20 miles on the road, Run down 3 Mile Hill, then back up again, but then I kept going to the top of Cannon Mountain. Of course this meant I also had to hike back down. I got this all in before 1pm. The most insane aspect of this very long morning session was how little I ate and drank! My ability to push myself was insane. Those triathlete magazines had crazy pro triathletes saying things such as you can never be to thin for triathlon. Not at all helpful-for them or for me. In hindsight yes I over did it, but I loved it all the same. Also in hindsight I could have been a better athlete had I actually fueled and hydrated properly!

As I tracked my training each week I would hit 15-20 hours each week. there was no real plan on my part, I just did stuff. Daily I felt pulled to get out and do everything! I wanted to swim and bike and run everyday. I loved lifting weights. Then there was hiking the big peaks or running up the ski slopes on Cannon. If only I didn’t have to work!

The women athletes I was seeing in the magazine and at races were thin, small compared to me. I felt like an amazon next to them.

Triathlon was a very new sport when I began in the 90’s, fortunately there’s more information, research, and science behind it all now. But it has taken more than 20 years til research actually began to include athletic women in scientific sports research.

Though my body had changed, my mind did not. I was still “fat” in my mind. There was still a part of me trying to exercise my way thin. Or just stay thin to perform better. It wasn’t just me, it was the thing most endurance athletes did, especially women. Women were, and still are, notorious for under fueling. I certainly had my days of overeating then feeling I would need to go run to burn off the calories to keep the balance. Again, it was common. So desperate are we to believe our value is wrapped up in how thin we are or how we look.

Yet I soldiered on as that was the way of this new burgeoning sport, and the world.

I still performed well, but the thing is if I knew what I know now back then I might have done even better!!

Over the years from 1993-1998 I did about 30 half Ironman races (consisting of 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride, ending with 13.1 mile run), countless Sprint, and Olympic distance races. It was common for me to place in my age group at these races, at each of these distances.

In 1998 I was ready to test myself with my first Ironman Triathlon (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, ending with 26.2 mile run) to be held in Clermont, Florida. It was a fantastic experience but it was not really my distance. It took me 14 hours to do it. A real learning experience, I know even more now given more experience over the years.

Each time I look back on these experiences I feel my interpretation of them can change. As I age, reflect, and develop wisdom my understanding also can shift. Had I known then what I know now….you know that saying…I would have been a better athlete. At 61 now, I know many athletic women my age are feeling and expressing the same thing.

Based on what is surfacing via scientific research now, most to all of us female athletes had been underfed, under fueled. Now it is called REDs-Relative Energy Deficiency in sport.

Coaching with Terry Laughlin, founder of Total Immersion swimming

Yes, I had lost weight, developed more muscle but I was not at my BEST, and not my best consistently. Yes, I learned a ton. I earned my USA Triathlon Coaching certification, I became a Total Immersion Swim coach, I became a certified Pilates instructor, I had my Water Safety Instructor certification for swimming, Spinning instructor. Lots of knowledge, yet my weight still fluctuated with the training racing season. Outside I was changing but inside (my mind) the progress was slow.

Having experimented with a variety of eating, not eating strategies or diets out there none of them stuck, just not sustainable. I am talking 25 years of being all over the place! A pattern formed where I was losing weight in the spring, then gradually gaining weight through the fall, into winter. That went on for awhile!

I kept experimenting, things didn’t work, I didn’t give up. I kept looking, experimenting, reflecting on what could and would work until I could find something that would work.

Eating for pleasure and to fuel my body as opposed to attempting to get through the day eating as little as possible became the goal. I still see this around me as though it’s a contest “who can eat the least by the end of the day wins.”

At some point it can get exhausting to buying into this fallacy of trying to be thin. One of the many things I learned, best to settle on being strong and functional than skinny.

By 2001 it was time to “burn the boats” so I had left my job in the mental health field to become a full time Triathlon Coach, Spin instructor, Pilates as well as coaching for Total Immersion swimming, Personal Trainer, and Mobility Coach.

Yes, I was still training and racing in triathlon, expanding more into off road mountain biking-triathlons, and I was ready to be out on my own

I am still learning with this aging athletic body, so my training continues to evolve with me and my goals. But I feel more settled and clear, and yes happy with what this body can DO! There are no limits but my own, I have never been this age before so I don’t know what is possible. We all need to keep challenging ourselves, keeping the bar high as long as we can.

And functioning.

It was when I let go of stepping on a scale, not weighing myself and that number but settling on how I felt, how I feel in this body. Daily.

Not what I look like.

Also, when I stopped seeing food as “good” or ‘bad”, but a choice I could make based on my goals. Would eating Doritos, which I do like, get me closer to my goal of feeling good in my body vs eating a baked potato with my dinner? Some days it was the Doritos and some days it was the potato.

Later, as I began to go through menopause-my enthusiasm to train was waning. No longer did I want to go run for an hour, 30 minutes felt like forever. My muscles began to disappear, joints hurt, and I thought I was ready to give up.

Luckily I was in the right place at the right time. Research was evolving to support athletic women in this transitional time to help us navigate menopause. So I grabbed hold of this information whole heartily!

Another bonus, it was at this time I discovered an app to track my foods. It was so helpful for me. A bit freeing to see that I was both eating enough, enough protein, and eating a variety.

Looking back at those years- at the time- I felt I had failed then, but it was that I hadn’t found the right way for me. Now I feel settled, kind with myself to be consistent. Surprisingly after all the crazy diets and restrictions, I have settled on something that looks like the RDA food pyramid 30-40% carbs, 30-40% protein, and 30% fats. It feels so simple, sustainable, and doable for the long haul.

My take aways over these 35 years: to be consistent, feeling good is most important to looking good, fueling is necessary for health and fitness, keeping my bar set high keeps me challenged and young, and have fun with the process!

My Transition to Fitness

Triathlon Training for the Swim